??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize
