those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
