some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
