I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
