I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
