The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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