I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
being pregnant is like rehab
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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