In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
