Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
