..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
