well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
