Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
