what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
