Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
