Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
