i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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