Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
