He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
