You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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