so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
