I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
