oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
