hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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