Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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