So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
