One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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