I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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