The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
