He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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