I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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