I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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