He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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