she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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