I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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