Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
