my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize