Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
