ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
