found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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