I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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