it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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