my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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