dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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