I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
