im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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