I got chris browned last night
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
