oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Too much gin, very little bucket
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
MIDGETS
????
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
