1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
