Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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