We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
