I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
