Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
