If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
