the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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