she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
