YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
