Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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