Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My bed smells like the plague
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
