my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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