he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
