Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
