New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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