In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
wanna go halves on a baby?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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