I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
