um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
