I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
