The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
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You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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