were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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