You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
