So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
