dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
