your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
