Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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